The Singing Vag…

Ok then…Got your attention?? Yep, the singing vagina, The Harmonizing hair pie, The Operatic orifice, The Pussy Pavorati…Need I go on?

Today kitten and I saw a commercial Femiclear…Some sort of lady part Simonizing kit…I have no idea. The commercial was two women in a Yoga class..When one of them did any position where in fact her legs spread open? You heard this little voice belt out a lovely note…Charming right? I literally looked at kitten and said “WHAT FUKING PLANET AM I ON???” The laughter was just twisted and beyond words…

My main question is…What twisted fuck in Femiclear’s marketing department came up with the slogan “Joie de Hooha”….

Something to ponder….

Superman on Aging.

So, let me tell you a story..

I was always slightly super of my life I was rarely ill, I didn’t feel physical pain like mere mortals despite a few horrific injuries and mediacl procedures..Yes, I made a dentist sick and applaud when he did surgery on my mouth with no Anesthesia..I could party like a rock star and work on no sleep.Energy beyond words…

THEN??? I hit 50…Yep..I did..It was bound to happen, right? Now don’t get me wrong..I still am quite a physical specimen..I still have all my hair.Thank God.I only need glasses to read….I work harder than half the people I know that are half my age..But there are little things creeping uninvited into my world.

My metabolism has slowed of course. Not a lot, but I certainly have more in the belly region then I am used to. I have a real Doctor now…Even an allergist! Had my first kidney stone recently…Still have it.

I have to think now about how badly I need something if it involves a flight of stairs. When I drop something I swear the floor gets farther away every passing month. And yes, for the first time ever…I have in fact gotten up to pee in the middle of the night..Dreadful…There is Metamucil in my home..

I always knew these days were coming, but like anyone, you wish they were much further off..

I still feel like a young spirit inside, and probably always will..It’s just funny..Binge drinking and Hot wing eating contests just aren’t as appealing as they once were…Quiet dinner at home with my kitten, TV and an afternoon nap are how I really enjoy rocking it now…

As far as my overall life at this age go though? Thanks to my wonderful wife I wouldn’t change my age for anything ever…

Thanks all!

Philly’s New Sweater.

Ok, going to share with you something. Yes, I am a Daddy, Yes I am a pretty fearless individual…lol…But even I have my “little” thing. Not that I am a “little”, but something in my life sure is.

Let me introduce you to my buddy Philly. Philly is a teddy bear. Yep. The greatest teddy bear ever.

Philly came into my life around 1995. I was living in Massachusetts and was at a week long convention in Philadelphia, PA. I was in a strange city..I knew no one. I know it was only a week, but when I wasn’t at the convention center, I found myself bored and sad sometimes.

One day at the Convention center I was passing a little souvenir stand. I saw this bear in the glass case. For some reason he made me smile. He seemed to have a bit of a bratty but cute face. I asked the little old lady how much? She said “Oh he has been with me for a long time..But if you’ll give him a good home? Six dollars would be fine” DONE DEAL!!!

I took him back to my hotel and got him ready for the five hour drive back to Boston the next morning..Yes, I talked to him..Still do…lol

Philly and I have been through a lot of good times and some very bad times together. I know it sounds silly for someone like me to grow this attached to a stuffed bear, but hey, that’s your opinion..He is a friend and a sounding board when needed. We have each others backs.. 😉

Philly came dressed in a bow tie and a Philadelphia T-shirt. Over the years I have found other shirts so he can change clothes now and then so he doesn’t get all funky and gross and I can do his laundry! Hahahahaha…

Well, today..My amazing wife and kitten..Took it upon herself to make Philly a brand new sweater!!! I absolutely LOVE it and I love her so much…Philly is one handsome dude and a sharp dresser…

Thanks for stopping by!

KODAK Digital Still Camera

Now I’ve heard it all…

Seriously? You want to cancel your hotel reservation and be refunded because your room isn’t big enough to assemble your bicycle? by all means and I will pass this on to the owners so when designing future buildings they will have ample space for all their luggage, a bicycle assembly area and why the fuck not put in an area for shoeing a horse while we’re at it!!! You know, for our Amish patrons…

This is about as good as the guest wanting a refund for getting stuck in the elevator for an hour…In a hotel with no elevator…

Kidney Stone..

Kidney stone. Stop fucking with me…yesterday? Yeah, peeing every five minutes…The other day? Major pain in the general cock-like area…day one? Yeah, MEMBER? You Member!! Worst pain ever!!

What’s today’s treat you ask? Yeah, been at work 7 hours now and haven’t peed once!!!!

Pass already you calcium fucking DEMON!!!

100 Things About Me…

1. Former Professional BMX Racer.

2. I love horror movies. The bloodier the better.

3. Lived in Germany for about a year.

4. Elvis and I share a Birthday

5. Middleweight Amateur Boxer for 9 years.

6. I am legally blind and deaf on my right side.

7. Leg pressed 1,100 lbs three times once.

8. Deathly allergic to bees.

9. Love to cook/bake. I make some mean pork chops and blueberry muffins.

10. I was Lyndon B. Johnson in a grade school play once.

11. I am mildly allergic to cherries.

12. Have one tattoo and no piercings. More tats to come..maybe…lol

13. Was born in the same hospital as JFK.

14. Went to college for about two weeks…

15. Have received more compliments on my voice than anything else in my life.

16. Broke a record for a 5K run when I was 18..Record still stands 34 years later.

17. Lived in Massachusetts 51 years..California less then One year..

18. Favorite foods are Fried chicken, ribs, steak and pork chops.

19. I really don’t like seafood.

20. I despise wine.

21. Youngest of three. One brother and one sister.

22. I was a twin. I survived, he didn’t.

23. My parents legally changed my name to my twins name.

24. I hate flying.

25. Married for the first AND ONLY time at 52. I really love my wife. 😉

26. My favorite craft/hobby is leatherworking…

27. Once took a motorcycle to over 100 mph.

28. Was quite an accomplished Clarinet player.

29. If I had to pick one favorite movie? I would say “In The Heat of the Night” with Rod Steiger and Sidney Poitier…

30. Gasoline and fresh cut grass are two of my favorite smells.

31. I know how to ride a horse.

32. Baseball is my favorite sport.Go Red Sox! And Giants!

33. I really dislike peach or mango flavored anything.

34. I hate “Friends”…

35. My wife, my kitten…she is my whole universe.

36. I prefer Vinyl records to any other music media.

37. I am a Ford, Lincoln, Mercury guy.

38. Started going gray when I was 19.

39. I can dislocate my left thumb.

40. I love turtles and frogs.

41. I am terrified of snakes, sharks, and alligators.

42. My favorite Non-domesticated animal is the Hippo.

43. I ate my first egg this year.

44. I once saved a persons severed thumb.

45. I did the morning Sports/News on a college radio station for a buddy once one summer. At 5:00 a.m.

46. I am NOT a morning person.

47. Jim Beam Black is my favorite bourbon.

48. Not a fan of beer that much, but I prefer really cheap beers.

49. French Toast, bacon, hash browns and scrambled eggs is my favorite breakfast…

50. I have owned 8 motorcycles.

51. I have owned 14 cars/trucks.

52. My favorite road bicycle was my 1984 Lotus Unique.

53. recently found out I have Welsh roots on my Dad’s side.

54. My dad was the first air traffic controller on duty during the Berlin Airlift.

55. TANG was invented in my hometown.

56. I do not own a cell phone.

57. I made Robin Williams laugh once.

58. I love Frito’s and Cream Cheese.

59. I get headaches at the drop of a hat. Not bad, but frequent.

60. I have very good night vision. Despite one good eye..

61. I love old cartoons.

62. I had a cardiac episode at 37.

63. At least 10 of my Facebook friends are dead.

64. I’ve never seen one episode of Game of Thrones.

65. I lived for many years at exact Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon route.

67. Meeting Bob from Sesame Street made me feel like a kid again.

68. Meeting Brooke Shields turned me into a babbling idiot..

69. As far as Canadian rock trios go, I prefer Triumph to RUSH..

70. First time I saw my wife’s picture online, I said I have to talk to that face. The rest is history.

71. We are still newlyweds.

72. I love pickles but hate them on my burgers.

73. Iced tea is my favorite beverage.

74. I’ve climbed Mt.Washington in New Hampshire 8 times.

75. When I raced, I logged 4-500 miles a week on my bike, training alone.

76. I was invited to the 1984 Olympic Trials…I didn’t make the

77. At one point I owned almost 1,500 vinyl albums.

78. Real Fur is my biggest fetish.

79. I am intrigued and very turned on by hypnosis.

80. I really can’t draw..

81. Took a cake decorating class once and found that I am naturally horrible at it..

82. Being from New England, I love the Red Sox, Bruins and Celtics, but NOT the Patriots. I am an Oakland Raiders fan since I was 8!

83. I have seen 11 dead bodies on the job in hotels over the years.

84. At 10 years old, my best buddy dared me to jam a nail into an electrical outlet….I did…lol

85. I think Tom Jones is awesome..

86. I was a canoe instructor for several Summers at a Boy Scout camp.

87. I have no kids.

88. I was once ran the metal shop for a high end stereo speaker company.

89. Cap’n Crunch Crunberries are my favorite cereal.

90. I wear between a 9 1/2- 10 shoe.

91. My hat size is 7 5/8th…I look good in hats…

92. I’m eating a ham sandwich right now.

93. Would love to own a small vintage bicycle shop someday.

94. Been working virtually non stop since I was 13.

95. I love cross country skiing.

96. I am an excellent rifle shot.

97. Is this done yet?

98. I am at work right now.

99. My middle name is Robert after my Dad.

100. My favorite color is orange.

Daddy’s Fur

Ok no secret to those that know kitten and I that we have a huge fur fetish.Fox, Lynx, Bobcat, Raccoon, Wolf, Coyote, Mink, Sable…All just to die for…But when push comes to shove? What is MY kittens favorite?? Daddy’s fur!! On his belly! So many times, I will be walking by her shirtless and she will put her arms out sitting in the chair and pulls me in to rub my belly fur with her hands for a bit and then rub her face all over it! She loves all my fur, but the tummy seems to be her favorite.

She just rubes her head and face all over it and goes into such a peaceful place..I can see it in her eyes as I look down at her and give her a huge loving smile and stroke her hair and hold her little face in my hand..Gotta say, I love it too…

Where’s kitten???

Ok, so one of the best parts of Daddy-kitten simple fun time is when we play “Where’s kitten?”..Just randomly, for no reason, kitten will hide her head under a blanket or pull her Unicorn Pajama hood over her entire head and face…The I go into “Oh my goodness! I was just talking to kitten! Where ever could she be?” I’ll hear little snickering from under the hood/blanket…Then I’ll say in just the right tone “Wherrrrre’s kitten???” And she will POP her face out with the biggest smile for Daddy and yell “Here I am!” and start giggling for the longest times..This will repeat several times, usually a couple times a week…It’s silly, but it’s our silly and we love it!!

Love you MY little one…

Opinions are like Assholes..Everybody has One.

Let’s get the facts straight…

There are FACTS…There are OPINIONS…Bottom line.This is one thing that drives me nucking futs when it comes to blogs. Before you go spewing your words out of your Blog-hole, please understand the difference between the two. See, if you are going to come across as somewhat of a “teacher”, then please refrain from using terms such as “everybody” or “no one” That is an OPINION, not a FACT..

To say that every man wants to wear diapers and listen to Boxcar Willie albums while taking a cheese grater to his nuts is an opinion…To say that water is fucking wet? That’s a fact…

To say that NO Woman wants to be anally cattle prodded on a rainy Thursday in Lansing Michigan?? OPINION!!! Hey, to each their own..To say that Horses can’t vomit? FACT (look it up..)

Please use these useful (opinion) guidelines as go bloggity bloggin throughout you life and you will be a much happier person…(opinion) least I will be..(FACT!)